As a teenager, I figured out that the Hitachi Magic Wand Massager vibrator my tennis-playing mother and step-father had wasn't for their shoulder aches and pains.  I was grossed out… and intrigued.  Turns out the magic powers of Hitachi's wand has been well known to women for generations.  Now men have their own magical masturbation device: The Tenga Flip-Hole.  So as not to gross out or intrigue my parents, I won't go into detail.  Let's just say that Japanese ingenuity and engineering has perfected the sex toy with the same prowess they did the automobile.  The Flip Hole is to the Fleshlight as a Lexus is to a Chevy.  It's the most pleasure a man can buy for $79.99.  (If only Eliot Spitzer had one — he could have saved his job and a couple grand!) As an added bonus, its discreet modern design allows you to leave it out without attracting undue attention. Buy the Tenga Flip Hole with Free Shipping at Drugstore.com.
  Ladies, you can pick up a Hitachi Magic Wand Massager at Amazon.com
for $39 (along with some ingenious "accessories") — but please, hide it from your kids.